jaeboy's game Reviews on Newgrounds

[A Dark Day In Clocktopia]

I care not of the "rules" of Clock Day.

I'm not going to downplay your talent or anything, but I've yet to understand or care about the Clock Crew. 98% of their stuff is bumkus, and I can't for the life of me figure out why people love them so much.

But alas, that isn't why I gave this a two. That is mainly because the style of the game is just boring. VERY boring. The graphics are "ok" at best, but only if it's still shots as the animation is kinda half-assed. I get the need to put something out for each of the Newgrounds' "holidays" but seriously...

Seriously...

[How to Raise a Dragon]

It's a great game...

I don't get why your hero isn't able to also be a sacrifice. Especially to a tyrant dragon, the flower should be a sacrificial offering.

As for breath... I love the idea, though there were breath styles I was expecting based on dragon lore. Like Ice Breath or Black Smoke... I thought it was interesting that the healer could also be a necromancer, which was a really nice touch... especially for zombie fans...

But the fact that none of the zombies attacked the hero, and the wild tyrant had no offensive weapon against the hero was disturbing. Why was it that only the Fire Breather had any sort of defense?

It was a great game, but these things were what caused me to drop two stars on you. It felt only halfway thought out. But I'm sure you could easily make an update or sequel, and add to it.

Great idea with the Atari graphics. I love how people say "8-Bit" when these graphics are from BEFORE the "bit" era of graphics. And personally, I applaud it, despite some people thinking "Animation sucks!"

Good work. I hope to see more soon.

[Plazma Burst: FTP]

Almost perfect...

I love the game, it works great, and the difficulty matches the style... though one guy said that the weapons become obsolete too quickly... which I wholeheartedly agree.

I did, however, dislike the last boss. I don't know what I'm supposed to do, and there's no explanation at all. Your partner just runs haphazardly into the beast only to get killed in one hit, then the big guy just stomps his way towards you, with no weapon that does anything useful against him.

Basically, it's just a death sentence waiting to happen.

What I think should be added is that Jetpack. I believe that should be an upgrade to your character, which would make that last battle a bit more fair. Though I'm not exactly sure what you're supposed to do against that thing anyway... but if it's supposed to be fought, then the jetpack would be very helpful.

Anyway, good game. Just not a perfect game. Keep at it.

[Super Mario 63]

I HATE all of the "press z" BS.

The game is done well, though a bit slow... and DEFINITELY hate having to watch so much storyline. In the early 2D Mario games, it was more game, less story... and really, all the cut scenes were kinda boring. It could be amazing, but try to cut out some of the crap... Maybe add some skip buttons to the story itself.

It's good... but get out the small crap.

[Ultimate Assassin 2]

Frustrating direction...

The AI in the security vs. hiding spots isn't fair in my opinion. There were a few times were missions would start, and just by random choice ALL the guards started in my direction. :(

[Xenon Prime Racing]

Ok... but could be better...

I'd advise adding to this, as it could be amazing. Here's my problems with it, though... I understand having a fog to help with the rendering process, but the fog is too thick and actually covers the actual track. I get it's reasoning, but I think that you should have a map at the bottom of the screen to help a bit to know where you are, and where you're headed. The collision penalty should be a bit more than it is... it's pretty much cake to be able to defeat everyone as long as you have enough thrust behind you. Maybe up the speed penalty a bit, to give this some dimension. My last problem is the sound... I get the "futuristic" feel you want, but the music was just crap... it was annoying and repetative, and became frustrating VERY quickly. Also the sound effects felt very bland... the collisions sounded like billiard balls hitting one another instead of crashes.

This game could be great. But it needs some work.

[(Twisted) Cooking Mama]

This gets points for a couple of reasons.

The game was done well, and fit the Cooking Mama franchise, despite its disgusting nature. You lose points for expecting me to give up on turkey... as sad as it was that they slaughter inhumanely, they're still tasty. FDA needs to step up, but don't expect me to go veg.

And for those of you who didn't know, the woman who does the commentary also did a "State Of The Union Undress" also. Basically, she stripped naked talking about animal rights... you can find it on the internet. She's actually very pretty. Though it didn't make me want to eat veggies... just made me want to um... do stuff to her. Anyway... yep. Good game. But calm down with the veganism.

If God didn't want us to eat animals, why did He allow the jewish people to eat quail? Or why did he ask for animal sacrifice before the birth of Jesus? Hmmm... I wonder.

[Make happy umbrella man]

Bad cursor!

The game is OK at best... the control is VERY annoying, because of that cursor. Get rid of it, I keep going off the edge of the game or something like it and losing. Also, the game over screen is ridiculously long. Fix that, too.

Otherwise the game could be great.

[Co-operation]

Ummmmmmm...

This game is great. But I have one complaint. Blue and Black are nice colors, but depending on your monitor settings, and especially if you have a flatscreen, black is sometimes RIDICULOUSLY hard to see. Maybe change his color to red or something?

Otherwise good gameplay... though I will state that these graphics are actually pre-8 bit era. It's more like the 2-bit/4-bit era, back in the days of Atari. If only they had these programming skills back then... this could have been a great game.

I-smel responds:

Yeah, I only had so much space for a description and "8bit" has less letters in it than "over-pixelated graphics". I know it's not 8bit but it gets the point across.

I don't know what kind of monitor you have but that's the first time I've heard a complaint like that.

[Totally Calum Best]

Hmmmm...

This game would have been light years better if she was actually getting naked. Why? Because that'd be really hard to ignore. My question is this. Calum has to go 50 days with no sex, right? Does that mean he can't masturbate either? Cause THAT could drive him crazy. He shouldn't be able to fix himself OR have sex... THEN film that. :)